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He kisses her until crimson roses bloom on her lips and spill down her alabaster skin
like sinful pomegranates from Persephone's own mouth.
He crushes her against him, holds her tight-tight-tight in his arms
and tattoos black and blue flowers across her back

No one will hurt you while I'm around.

He whispers the promise with scarlet lips and a silver tongue
and stains her ears a poisonous black
Her hair sticks to his lips-tongue-mouth
while his vows engrave themselves upon her heart

No one will hurt you...

He watches her eyelids slip, gracefully, blissfully
With his promises lingering, sparkling, upon each 'lash
And only then does he finish his vow

...but me.
The full name was meant to be:
Of Blue Flowers and Sparkling Vows

Anyways, I'm actually pretty happy with the imagery in this one. There's not much of a point to it, but it was randomly inspired at around 1 am in the morning.

Please leave a comment! :heart:

--

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Submitting this for 88. Pain

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Add a Comment:
 
:iconmiss-sunshine-fairy:
Miss-sunshine-fairy Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2009
That is reallly good! The imagery was awesome i could see the whole thing in my head. and i like the way you described his vow!
Reply
:icongoodbutbad:
Goodbutbad Featured By Owner May 14, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
I honestly love it. It kinda makes me imagin alot of things
Reply
:iconadmantina:
Admantina Featured By Owner May 14, 2009
Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:icongoodbutbad:
Goodbutbad Featured By Owner May 15, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Anytime ^^
Reply
:iconnooj-deathseeker:
nooj-deathseeker Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Very well written.
Reply
:iconadmantina:
Admantina Featured By Owner May 1, 2009
Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:iconnooj-deathseeker:
nooj-deathseeker Featured By Owner May 1, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome
Reply
:iconnastaciakaye:
Nastaciakaye Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
I cannot decide if the guy is pyschotic or sweet. Cannot decide if the girl knows or not...

this piece was well written and leaves the reader thinking...
Reply
:iconadmantina:
Admantina Featured By Owner May 1, 2009
thanks :) I wanted to leave it open-ended..
but I guess in way, it's both.
Reply
:iconnastaciakaye:
Nastaciakaye Featured By Owner May 4, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
:)
Reply
:iconfreakomaniacadisical:
Wonderful! Really Intense!
A good write!
And congratulations on the DailyLitDeviation!
We're the one! :D
Reply
:iconadmantina:
Admantina Featured By Owner May 1, 2009
Thank you!

Congratulations to you too. :)
Reply
:icongenesisblade9:
Genesisblade9 Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2009
Whoa! Super fantastic writing. I love the kind of suprise/not-so-surprising ending (if that made any sense - 1 am and my mind is gone.)
Reply
:iconadmantina:
Admantina Featured By Owner May 1, 2009
XD Your comment made me laugh.
I'm glad you liked it. :aww:
Reply
:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2009
Hello there!

Your great work of literature was chosen to be featured in the Daily Literature Deviations' news article [link]

Please take care to check out the other nine works that were chosen and remember to :+fav: the news article to help promote yourself and your fellow writers.

Keep writing! We look forward to seeing more work from you.
Reply
:iconadmantina:
Admantina Featured By Owner May 1, 2009
Thank you! :heart:
Reply
:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner May 1, 2009
It was our pleasure
Reply
:iconmistyvision:
mistyvision Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2009
breathtaking :heart:
Reply
:iconadmantina:
Admantina Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2009
thank you. :heart:
Reply
:iconsapient-butterfly:
Sapient-Butterfly Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Very beautiful :aww:
Reply
:iconadmantina:
Admantina Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2009
thank you! :)
Reply
:iconjsting:
jsting Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2009
:clap: wonderful.
Reply
:iconadmantina:
Admantina Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2009
thank you :)
Reply
:iconcattieloves:
cattieloves Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2009
Ooh...scary. This chilled my bones. :*)
Reply
:iconadmantina:
Admantina Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2009
It's fun adding strange twists to the ends of things isn't it? :D

This one's my personal favourite.
Reply
:iconaquapotato:
Aquapotato Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2008
That's so creepy... But the sad thing is that it happens :(
Reply
:iconadmantina:
Admantina Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2008
I know.. and it's probably more common than people think.
But I'm glad you liked it.
Reply
:iconjesserayus:
JesseRayus Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2008  Professional General Artist
wow this is so vivid in words! it just strikes feirce yet ever so softly as if you dont feel a thing but everything at once!!!
Reply
:iconadmantina:
Admantina Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2008
Thanks :heart: You described my poem so poetically.. I'm honored. :hug:
Reply
:iconjesserayus:
JesseRayus Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2008  Professional General Artist
oh thanks! my mum has always said i have a beautiful way with words! so thankyou!
Reply
:iconthecoalminecanary:
TheCoalMineCanary Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
Oooh.
Truly, a beautiful piece.
:heart: :+favlove:
Reply
:iconadmantina:
Admantina Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2008
Thanks, this one's my favourite. :hug:
Reply
:iconthecoalminecanary:
TheCoalMineCanary Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
It is truly lovely. :heart: You're welcome.
Reply
:iconaahrun:
Aahrun Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2008
ahh such powerful emotions in this...too much for me
and its soo dark...and sad and unfair..
and yet soo beautiful...i like it =D
Reply
:iconadmantina:
Admantina Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2008
Yay =D Thank you~ :hug:
Reply
:iconaahrun:
Aahrun Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2008
=) no problem
:hug:
...kinda random..but oh well..random is good =D
Reply
:iconpeppermint128:
peppermint128 Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2008
What a douche-bag...
Reply
:iconshadowgriffen:
shadowgriffen Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2008
actually i did get it, i just wondered if i got the right interpretation XD, just wanted to make sure, awesome job XD
Reply
:iconshadowgriffen:
shadowgriffen Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2008
wow lol, srry i had lately been afk from deviantart,.
but awesome work! awesome imagery XD, although dark...lol
i'm kinda caught off guard by the first line.
does it mean blood?
Reply
:iconadmantina:
Admantina Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2008
Yes, it does. o_o Maybe I should put that in the artist comments in case other people don't get it either.
And long the same lines, the flowers are bruises.

Yep yep. =)
Reply
:iconrudhira:
rudhira Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2008
I particularly loved the pomegranate/persephone images, but I do think that the italics are unnecessary and detract from the words themselves.
Reply
:iconadmantina:
Admantina Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2008
Thanks, that was really spur of the moment, but I like it too.
I have a tendency to put italics in my poems for some reason. But now that you mention it, they do seem unnecessary here. Thanks for the helpful critique. :)
Reply
:iconbrownchristine8:
brownchristine8 Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2008
That's so dark...It's great.
Nicely done.
Reply
:iconadmantina:
Admantina Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2008
Thank you!
Reply
:iconrianuwally:
RianuWally Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2008  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
My interpretation... The first stanza seems really romantic to the extreme, to the extent of hurting the girl
Shows deep, crushing (literally xD) love
The second stanza is just like an extension of the first, except with the vow.
The line "while his vows engrave themselves upon her heart" reflects how the girl is deeply effected by his vows, in a positive way. As in she fell in love and took it to heart, something along those lines
A repitition of the line "No one will hurt you..." sounds like he is reassuring her at first... at first! until the last line xD
The fouth stanza that starts with "He watches... etc." that stanza is to set things un for the next line and BAM "...but me." That is good. xD I like that part.
That stanza sets him up as seemingly kind again, where he just watches her fall asleep
Then the last line makes the readers think of him as evil or dark because he says "...but me." only after she lost consciousness
Over all it is super lovely =D I enjoyed it plenty
Good job =] very good use of poetic devices and words =]
SUPER CRITIQUE(attempt)
The second stanza first line seems like a cliche, I think it is the "while I'm around" line, sounds like a super hero line, no offense
Other than that... nothing really sticks out at me
Reply
:iconadmantina:
Admantina Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2008
Thank you for your deep, deep analysis of my poem. =)
It's strange that there wasn't really any real meaning behind it.. other than the inspiration of course. :)
To be honest, I don't know if he loves the girl. o_o It's a mystery to ponder~..

Hm, I'm not sure how to change that. I think I'll let it stay for now though, because I like the way it sounds, even if the cliche is cheesy (I like cliches though XD they're sweet)

Thank you again for your super critique. :heart:
Reply
:iconrianuwally:
RianuWally Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2008  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
ahaha, no problem for the deep deep analysis, it was really fun =D
ahaha I still feel sooooo honored that you got wonderful inspiration =D =]
That is sad T_T we don't know if the guy loves the girl but the girl loves the guy, ... that is true, some woould argue that he does... but other would argue that he doesn't because he is killing her... but then he is protecting her... whoa, what a vicious circle
Okay, lets keep the cliche, (I don't know how to fix that either =/) But it could be seen as cheesy yet sweet (sweet cheese xD)
Have fun =] Can I critique future works? =D
Reply
:iconadmantina:
Admantina Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2008
Hm~ If I think about it more, I think the guy does love the girl. I'm not sure how much, but at least he's convinced that he loves her. Typical, overprotective/abusive relationship? =/
Sweet cheese. XD

And yes :D I enjoy reading your critiques. They make me think about what I wrote XD And I actually discover new things.
Reply
:iconrianuwally:
RianuWally Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
So vague ahaha, (sweet cheese, that sounds... appetizing xD)
That is good, my english isn't that good but at least my critic helped a little =]
Reply
:iconjyako:
Jyako Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2008
oh wowowow. :D
you have an awesome vocab, perfect for poetry.
absolutely adored the imagery here,
i can really imagine the scenes.
love the twisted vow~
good job good job. :)
Reply
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